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I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.