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Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
Lazy Rule#15325434090371466: you`re so lazy you didn`t even finish reading the number.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.