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Running on two hours of sleep Iām either way too happy or violently homicidal.
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there