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wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
"Polar bears can`t jump." - Black bears
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
Just saw the previews for the movie Taken 3, you would think by now he would`ve gave his daughter self-defense and gun lessons?