Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
Looking back, it was a good thing I was too wasted to fire up the chainsaw.
My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent
When finding someone to date, drinking compatibility is more important than you think.
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.