Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Oh Sh!t, Was That Today?" my autobiography
If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I`d just laugh and search with them.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
One day I`ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
Every day is just a new opportunity to eat pizza.
Dear whoever is playing sweet child o` mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE!
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........