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Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
I`ve set my "life goals" to stuff I`ve already done so literally every day now I`m overachieving. It`s all about perspective.
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
I`m just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I`m unlucky enough to be a part of
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned