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Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
I wonder how often I’ve narrowly avoided death without even noticing.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
I come from a long line of successful people. I have successfully stopped that tradition.