Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
Someone told me once that to have more confidence during sex, put in a live concert album while doing it. That way, you will hear applause every 3-4 minutes but I did it wrong. Accidentally put in a live concert album and all I heard was laughter!
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
I broke up with my gym, we were just not working out.
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.