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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
So Stevie Wonder is going to become father to triplets next year. I guess he didn`t see that coming...
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.