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I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
That weird moment when u just say "what`s up " to someone and they thing you`re a shrink.
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy, if you put it in your stomach first.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
It´s not that I hate you, it´s just.. well I´ll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I´d drink it.
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.