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Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.