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Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
You know it`s gonna be a sh!tty day when you put your bra on backwords and it fits better.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
I went to the store to buy some comdoms and the cashier asked me If I needed a bag ? "I replied No she`s not that ugly"
Can I get likes for no reason?
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.