Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.