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Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.