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I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
He was like, `We`re all slowly dying` So I was like, `WRONG` and I threw him in front of a moving bus.
Don`t tell me I look tired unless you`re offering to carry me
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
I`m so great, I`m jealous of myself.
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion
Facebook is the reason why my work is not done.