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I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitchingβ¦Sex is awesome. Complain when heβs using you for laundryβ¦.. or a human shield.
He was like, `We`re all slowly dying` So I was like, `WRONG` and I threw him in front of a moving bus.
Don`t tell me I look tired unless you`re offering to carry me
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
I`m so great, I`m jealous of myself.
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
I donβt know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion
Facebook is the reason why my work is not done.