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I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
There should be a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
Every day is a struggle between wanting to lose weight and wanting to eat my weight in pizza.
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.