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I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrhea!
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
It was all so different before everything changed.
I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task.
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now