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Caught myself yelling "F*CK YOU" to my burrito for dripping on my pants, if you were wondering who`s raising the next generation.
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.