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LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.