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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
I put a pair of boots in the bathroom stall at work so nobody else will use the stall that I like to use.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you`re like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you`re from Alabama)
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
I love how television has redefined the word `marathon` to the exact opposite of physical exercise