Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream "SHUT THE F*CK UP` out loud instead of just in my head.
When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
Now that my kids are getting older, I`m worried I`ll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny.
Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
Cops love donuts…. just not when you do them on a four lane highway.
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.