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I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
My right thumb is in the best shape of my life.
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.