Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole
Every woman needs a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to lean on and a shoulder to hold her bra strap on!!!
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!