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My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes… but we all know I’m Hilarious.
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.