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She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.