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Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
Illiterate? Well then sign up today for free online reading classes!
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.