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"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
The doctor said I should be drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself “the doctor” now.
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.