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Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
What if animals all speak a universal language, and we’re the odd ones out???
If you have alphabet fridge magnets and morals, you probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Whenever I get a message that begins with “Hey Stranger” I know I’m about to be asked for a favor by someone I don’t want to help.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn`t even lift him.
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
When I see somebody get on one knee tying their shoe in public I get in front of them, happy cry, and say “Oh my GOD, I will, YES-YESS!”
When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancé just to mess with people.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point