Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
That weird moment when u just say "what`s up " to someone and they thing you`re a shrink.
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.
Beer: The WD40 for conversations.
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.