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Those of you who say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” don’t really get how the whole “dead” thing works, do you?
There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
Walmart needs observation decks.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.