Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
Early reports indicate I`m gonna be drunk all weekend.
I wish bedtime was all the time.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
I hate waiting until I`m dead. I want to haunt people now dammit.
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands