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I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don`t whether it`s am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.
Monday must be a man ... It comes too quickly.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones that need the advice?
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...