Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
I`ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can`t live without
I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart
Own the day
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
I`m just saying a sarcasm font could go a loooong way!
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
Today feels like a stay in bed, pull the blankets over your head, and pretend you`re on an adventure in a kangaroo`s pouch type of day
going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug