Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
I’m in my dentist’s waiting room practicing my lies about flossing.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
Every woman needs a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to lean on and a shoulder to hold her bra strap on!!!
I’d be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
It’s a status….not your diary…
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?