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When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
If two donuts are stuck together it counts as one right?
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.