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I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
Remember, laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrea.
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
You know what is cheaper than therapy? ... Admitting you`re batshit crazy and running with it.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?