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Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
I think today I`m going to cut off the sleeves of my snuggie and walk around the neighborhood pretending I`m in a Clint Eastwood western movie.
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
I want the job of placing pepperoni slices on frozen pizzas, because clearly whoever has it is now has problems.
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.