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I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
Gym Update: Not there.
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
I think I bought just enough fireworks to get my neighbor to move.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.