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I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.