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thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
I saw a fat lady with a "M.O.B." tattoo on her arm. I asked "money over B*tches?" She said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
It`s like the people in this restroom don`t even want my help unbuttoning their pants. STOP RUNNING AWAY I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU
You move into my house, delete all my porn, decorate every wall with rooster pictures, talk incessantly, leave hair everywhere and are too tired for sex?? Sounds great, let`s do it!!
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?