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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
Even if I’m mad at my wife I should be mature enough not to flush the toilet on purpose while she’s in the shower, but it turns out I’m not.
India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
exercise........you mean extra fries
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.