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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.