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A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
Relationship Status: eating
I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
I have never faked a sarcasm in my entire life!
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin