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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
Feeling so good today ... High-five the person next to you and tell them it`s from me.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
My door bell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday
Running behind is my cardio.
Did we try giving the government a snickers?
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)