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Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......