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I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
I got my panties all in a bunch ... You know those Wal Mart 10 pack cotton bundles.