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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
Is there another word for synonym?
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
Remeber that time we came to work and we were excited? Me neither.
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.