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Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
The part of “no” that I don’t understand is the part where I don’t get what I want.
Keep calm and drink on.
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
If you love something set it on fire, if it... no wait, is that right? sh!t! Be right back...
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps