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I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
That moment when you realize your children have your twisted sense of humor...And you don`t know whether to be proud or scared.
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.