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What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I`m affordable" instead of "I`m adorable".
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
If you pour two beers into one glass, it becomes just one beer.
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?