Daily Silly Status

Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?

What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.

Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.

I know money talks but I wish mine had a better vocabulary instead of just ‘Spend me’.

This earthquake was the first time that I`ve ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."

If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.

I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing

Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.

I swear, if one more person calls me an alcoholic they are getting a high five too.

take it easy and if it is easy take it home

You say hangover. I say out of booze.

You would think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.

Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.

I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.

There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.