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Please say a prayer for my coworker. His life is so boring that he just Instagrammed his Jimmy Johns sandwich
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I`m just kidding ... there`s no pizza.
“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.