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word of the day: nincomtard
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
That moment when you’re talking to yourself and you smile like an idiot, because you’re just so hilarious.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.