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A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
So long pants! See you Monday!
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...
F*ck you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.