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First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
Considering I`m broke, I wonder if she`ll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
My Boss requested me on facebook. I was like "pssst". If only he knew all the sh*t I post about his ugly @$$.
"are you as bored as I am?" if you read that backwards, it still makes sense.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.