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Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.
9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
I wish conversations were like user agreements, where I could skip to the end and just agree.
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!
I`m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me... And apologize for after.
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.