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Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
Have you hugged you bartender today.
I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.
I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
Taking down my Christmas tree would probably just be a waste of time at this point.
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
So can we just skip to summer now?
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.