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Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to
It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.