Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
Someday, somewhere, somehow I’m going to do something.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.