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Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re a terrible person and had it coming.
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.