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Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first.
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
I play hard to get along with.