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That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
If anyone every texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from State Farm"
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I asked for a beer.
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.