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Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.
I appreciate your help, but no thanks, I can f*ck up my life on my own.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.