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Everyone is gifted. But not everyone opens their present.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can’t even make her a mix tape anymore?
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
Sometimes, I don`t know how I`m going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.