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I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
You look like I need another drink
Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
"The more the merrier": My excuse for extra food.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
HR have advised that Iām not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
Your girlfriend is rated E... For Everyone
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!