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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don`t stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
Got suspended from Instagram for going on everyone`s food pics and posting the calories.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!