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It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.
My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I`m already up to 3 times a day"
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it`s okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich