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Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
This may be the wine talking but help he’s drinking me, he’s drinking me.
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of