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I`m in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I`m at the liquor store.
My last relationship was a lot like The Notebook. It felt like it lasted forever and we both wanted to die towards the end.
I wish common sense was more common.
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Check this one out.........1
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.