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I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
When nobody`s home, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
Neil Armstrong was the first human being to step foot on the moon. Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"