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I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
Of all the lies I`ve told in my life, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted