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Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
Being the fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business.
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.