Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
Smooth move.........ExLax
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
Just once, I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f*ck..."
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.