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I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
I am used but in good condition.
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.