Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m always surprised how quickly "you`re so funny" turns into "everything is a fcuking joke to you." (usually about 3 months)
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
If at first you don`t succeed then maybe you just suck.
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.