😄 Daily Silly Status
Your home to over 25,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Waitress: "Hi, my nam-" Me: "Vodka martini, please."
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*