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I saw that! - Karma
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your house. Those bastads live forever.
If I throw a stick will you leave?
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
It`s weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
Beer: The WD40 for conversations.