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I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
My wife has spent all day arguing that she isn`t stubborn...
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.