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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
I like to walk around my house naked… Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
"Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook... yes, I`ll hold."
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.