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The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
Someone’s going to ruin things; it might as well be me.
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.