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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.