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Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
Never judge a book by it`s movie.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
If you aren`t sure if you like someone, here`s a test: imagine they`re dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.