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If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Thursday.
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.