Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
My life is a constant battle of preventing my muffin top from becoming a pound cake.
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don`t know Netflix exists."
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn`t stolen.